Making the decision to open up about your true self to people is very hard, and often many of us chicken out face to face, so can be made a little easier in the form of a text message, letter or email.
Here’s a couple of thoughtful and heartfelt coming-out message you can send or read to your family.
We are by no means saying this is the correct and only way in how to open up to friends and family, you will need to add your own personalization so it reflects your voice and feelings more naturally: but we hope this will give you a few good ideas on how to get words down.
Example 1
Hi [Family / Mom and Dad / Everyone],
I’ve been thinking for a long time about how to share something really personal and important with you. This isn’t easy to say, but it’s something I need to be honest about—both for myself and for our relationship moving forward.
I want you to know that I’m transgender. This means that the gender I was assigned at birth doesn’t match who I truly am on the inside. After a lot of reflection, I’ve come to better understand who I am, and I’m ready to live as my authentic self.
This hasn’t been a sudden realization—it's been a journey of deep personal exploration, and one that I’ve kept private until now because I needed to be sure, and because I care deeply about how this affects our relationship.
I’m still me. I still love you. And I hope that, with time, you’ll see that I’m becoming more myself—not someone different.
I know this may come as a surprise, and you might need time to process it. That’s okay. All I ask is that you try to listen with an open heart and remember that my decision to share this comes from a place of trust and love. I want us to continue growing together, honestly and supportively.
If you have questions or are unsure how to talk about this, I’m open to having those conversations when you’re ready. I can also share some resources that have helped me, in case it helps you understand more about what this means.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. It means a lot. And thank you, in advance, for your support—even if it takes some time. I love you, and I’m hopeful we can continue this next chapter together.
With love,
[Your Name]
Example 2
Dear [Mom/Dad/Family],
I’ve been carrying something inside me for a long time, and I’m finally ready to share it with you.
This is hard to write, not because I’m ashamed, but because I love you and I know this might be unexpected. What I want you to know is that I’m transgender. This means the gender you’ve always known me as isn’t the gender I truly am inside. And while this might be a lot to take in, please know this: I’m still me. My heart hasn’t changed. I still care about all of you deeply.
It’s taken me a long time to understand and accept this about myself, and I didn’t come to this decision lightly. But I’m at a place now where hiding who I am is doing more harm than good. I want to live openly, honestly, and happily—and that means allowing you into this part of my life.
I understand you might need time. I also understand that you might not know the “right” thing to say—and that’s okay. What matters most is your willingness to support me as I grow into the person I truly am.
If you have questions, I’ll do my best to answer them. And if you just need time to sit with this, that’s okay too. I’m here, and I love you.
Thank you for listening and for being part of my life.
With all my heart,
[Your Name]
Example 3 (text message form)
Hey 💬 I’ve been meaning to share something important with you. After a lot of thinking and soul-searching, I’ve realized that I’m transgender, and I’m starting my journey to live as my true self. I’ll be going by [Your New Name] and using [she/her, he/him, or they/them] pronouns.
I hope this doesn’t change anything between us — you’ve always meant so much to me, and your support would mean the world. Happy to talk more whenever you’re ready 💖
Informing your workplace
Another important place to tell people is at your workplace, as we all know most of us spend more time with our work colleagues than our family, and this is a bit of a different approach.
Example 1 - to work colleages
Hi everyone,
I wanted to take a moment to share something personal and important with you.
Over the past few years, I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on who I am, and after a lot of thought and growth, I’m ready to share that I am transgender. This means that the gender I was assigned at birth does not align with who I truly am.
Going forward, I’ll be using the name [Your Name] and [she/her or he/him or they/them — whichever pronouns apply] pronouns. I know it may take time to adjust, and I appreciate your effort and support during this transition.
I’m sharing this because I believe in bringing my full self to work and being open with the people I collaborate with daily. Please know that I’m still the same person — just finally living more authentically and honestly.
If you have any questions, I’m open to respectful conversation. If not, your kindness and support mean more than you know.
Thank you,
[Your Name]
Example 2 - To your boss
Dear [Manager's Name],
I hope you're well. I wanted to share something personal and important with you, as I believe in being transparent and authentic in both my personal and professional life.
After much thought and reflection, I’d like to let you know that I am transgender. As part of this journey, I will be transitioning and going forward I will be using the name [Your Name] and [she/her, he/him, or they/them] pronouns.
This is a deeply meaningful step for me, and I want to thank you in advance for your understanding and support. I’m committed to continuing to perform at the same high standard, and I trust that this change will not impact my work, but rather allow me to show up as my most authentic self.
I am happy to discuss any questions you might have, particularly around how best to communicate this with the wider team, if appropriate. I value our working relationship and appreciate your support as I take this step forward.
Warm regards,
[Your Name]
Do share your own experiences, hints and tips in the comments section below, we would all love to hear from you!